J's Space…. Bits n Pieces for Life!

Remember, your state of senses, your head-space if you will, is directly related to the situations, moments and people you are involved with at any given time, so before you lose yourself, first unbundle the other aspects and interrogate them a little... then take a step or two back and piece things together again, you'll feel better I promise, it may not last but just that moment of relief is worth a bunch! I know.

When day and night feel like something in-between, and good and bad are neither, then you know emotions and thoughts are topsy turvy too and shouldn’t be trusted in entirety. Tough times are about surviving, but not at the expense of appreciating one’s reality. You gotta take ownership of the deception otherwise you could get lost in the 'fakeness' of the surviving. And when it’s time to re-emerge and be true to you again, you can’t, because you’ve lost the defining bits of you and things don’t fit together like they used to. Purgatory is fine for a time, remember to boss it, lest it consumes you…

If only we knew what was going to happen, we could plan so much better, and yet it’s in all the planning that we forget about living. So maybe the fact that the future is indeed unknown is the motivating factor (or should be) for living a bit more carefree, a little less circumspect and a whole lot more living.

I wish I could take credit for it, it’s that great, and true. “Life is not about being successful, it’s about being useful…”

I wonder how often we use fate to rationalise things we are trying to avoid (in full or partial). It is a fact that we want to believe that bad things happening is something, in terms of process at least, that we need to be in control of, whether perceived or actual, even when the actual is merely a pragmatic way of rationalising things so far outside our control we’d rather not entertain the implication(s) of the truth, hallelujah!

n a photo that is, am sure one could deliberate the existential notion of the beauty in death in society, family, humanity etc. The knowledge of, and absolute fear of mortality, it’s a scary state of senses I guess… But this is just a photo, which I reckon is testament to the beauty that exists beyond the realisation of life.

I understand people that ‘practicalise’ religion, but I figure that even atheists have faith, in something, even if its not of divine nature, the fact that there is some faith in something actually means that there is hope (or faith) in something not practical (in a sense). It could be something as mundane as believing in yourself to do something specific in a specific situation, and that you’d be able to succeed, so, faith in yourself, is it then such a stretch to think the same could hold true for that part of your existential context beyond yourself?? I think not, hence faith is not such a stretch, just a leap beyond yourself.

Having a beer or 2 with one’s wife and just taking a time out is sometimes just the perfect way to spend an hour or 5…

Easy to say we must strive to do the right thing but when the right thing requires such a radical shift in both action and approach, then the line between doing what right and what one is comfortable  with becomes quite blurry…

Sometimes its truly amazing that, even with our newly, renewed or slightly committed enthusiasm for ‘carpe diem’ or seizing the day how wrong we can be… I often find that the harder we try to alter our path, our thoughts, our actions etc. there is often some ‘pushback’ from the universe (or Murphy) which leads me to conclude that as much as we resist change at times, the universe also only accepts and approves when it deems appropriate. This is important cos it can oftentimes explain the many unsuccessful, less than fruitful/enjoyable, and downright frustrating attempts we make to ‘carpe the Diem’… So dont be harsh on yourself, don’t dump all the blame at your feet and ponder your insignificance or your perceived failure, cos sometimes it quite literally is just the world fucking with you!!

So a new year, a new resolution, one to stick to (hopefully), I even edited the bio etc and plan to be a lot more active here, also I’ll be posting a lot more of my photography here, rather than just dumping it on Flickr etc. I want to start the year by saying this ” Life is not about being successful, life is about being useful!” and the second bit of idealistic inspiration is “Going into something with your eyes wide open doesn’t mean you’ll see everything that’s coming…” Here’s a photo, its symbolises 2 things I want to strive towards this year, which tie in very closely with the 2 quotes above, authenticity and purity of purpose!

Still time for a thought or two, life needs to be more about humility, compassion and empathy, unfortunately its all about selfishness, greed and dishonesty…. And because of this, the world’s future is thoroughly compromised. But, it’s up the good in all of us to fight for its right to usurp the evil, it’s doesn’t happen by default! 

Pain, Love, Doubt, Beauty, Death, Wonder… and all the others that come to mind, dependent on my state of senses!

Attitude is THE key to a new trajectory, to manifest it in a meaningful manner for a significant period IS crucial, this so conscious actions/processes and ‘headspace’ become subconscious.  This shift in attitude is a must in breaking old, grey, compromised thoughts and ideologies. There is too little left of substance, to meager a vestige, BUT there is potential and hope… Deep in the darkness there is always the promise of light, and what it can bring! And I hunt the light in 2017!

If you consider integrity as a defining characteristic and only you can know whether it’s you or a facade of you that exhibits that integrity, then maybe it’s outside your grasp, and you’re wasting too much time trying to bullshit yourself…

Have you ever thought quite specifically about whether you actually believe in yourself, what it means if you do, but also what consequences a lack of true faith in your ability to action your life into what you want it to be means? It’s tougher than you think cos unfortunately there is always some dependency on how we engage with the world and those around us… And if they (be it directly or indirectly) are at odds with our ‘actioning’ well then we always tend to compromise, and in that compromise we will always be worse off cos we as the ‘actioner’ will lose a bit of our ‘us’ and the world and/or the others only compromise on perception or process, nothing unto themselves.  So we often lose, bit by bit those ‘special’ bits of ourselves by default just by trying to stay true to ‘our faith in ourself’. Gotta keep fighting the good fight, avoid the grey, it ain’t you!

Though I’m not always sure what that means, compromise seems so essential these days, without it we are more true to ourselves but at the expense of surviving the world we ourselves created…

not sure why I chose that title, just came to mind and it sounded appropriate though I am not sure why… Like those 6th sense moments where you’re not sure why something is relevant and/or important but your gut says so, and we trust it. Not that I intended this post to be ‘heavy’, actually quite the opposite, cos I feel rather light of heart today, not that I often feel that way enough to write though. However, today is a good day and I don’t acknowledge them often enough, so this is just a credit note for the good days, may many more follow, and our acknowledgment of them!

easy to have it when all goes according to plan, convenient to forget it when things don’t, and then to blame for our own shortcomings… Just saying.  When you should hold on to it tighter during tough times, not take it for granted during the good times and use it as inspiration when we’re honest enough with ourselves to admit our shortcomings… Just saying!

I know I’ve said this before but time necessitates a reminder, sometimes the more we seek the less we find. At times though the thought of ‘merely’ existing doesn’t fit right with our urge to grasp, understand and/or desire to know, but often is exactly at these times that we should put our urge/desire to know aside. For some strange reason when we find ourselves in these instances it’s the conscious choice to not seek that allows us to find… it’s as though in our energetic and oft misplaced enthusiasm we lose our ability to ‘absorb’ what we need to, like we’re too focused on process to see the truth or any nuances thereof. We’re so concerned with solving the ‘equation’ that we forget about what led to its formulation…

So 2015 started with much fanfare and here we are in March and the year is just becoming another passage of time, nothing really special about it, save for the bits n pieces happening in people’s lives, sometimes more exciting than others, but mostly I think people are just surviving. Polishing their fake smiles (mostly) agreeing or disagreeing depending on the level of commitment to the argument, discussion and/or person(s) involved…and not really brave enough to put themselves ‘out there’. Pity that though, cos the world has just morphed into a myriad of constructed situations where our roles are as fake as the lives we lead, I’m generalizing of course, its not all doom and gloom, but sometimes just sometimes when we consciously take a moment and reflect, you’ll realise that the above is true more than we’d like, or want to admit. The solution, I’m not to sure, its becoming more difficult, the world wants us predictable, wants us controllable cos then we fit in with it’s system

Sometimes its becomes more evident that life is but a reaction to consequence and not a result of some spontaneous or proactive endeavour…which is unfortunate, but at least there is a modicum of creativity in how we respond to those consequences, but thats only the details, unfortunately the bigger ‘plan’ is beyond our realm of control, as much as we’d like to believe we are the creators of our fate. And why do I say this, I’ll tell you in the next post.

It’s a new year (2013), there are new resolutions for the year, resolutions we almost definitely will not stick to or achieve, but its in the identifying of them that we acknowledge and/or take stock of where we are in our lives, even if its superficial in a sense. Resolutions are a reflection of the stuff about ourselves that we don’t like (generally) or want to change. So in a sense there’s an honesty in being able to identify them (assuming there’s more than one), we then go straight ahead (some quicker than others) and ‘rubbish’ them and by the end of January most of us don’t even remember what they were, BUT, at least for the briefest of time we acknowledged that there is ‘stuff’ about us that’s not perfect (not that we are ignorant to the ‘stuff’ but its serves our selfish parochial tendencies better to ‘not engage’ with, said ‘stuff’), and maybe we need to. Instead of just going through the habitual ‘resolution identifying process’ in mid December (or late on the 31st, a few

It’s when you stand in the absolute blackness of night, your soul, hammered into submission by time’s relentless  ravaging, doubt now so manifest you know it’s true,  and fear so tangible you can’t find the will to scream, and then, knowing the demon stands behind you, you turn and face it, and in the almost certainty of  defeat, you fight the good fight,  raging against it with every ounce of you you have left, cos you know being good and true in this life is battle eternal, and right at that moment the act is more important than the outcome… Then you know what it is to true to you.

Its easy enough to stand for something, to represent something, to draw that line in the sand (and hopefully be brave enough to defend it) But, is what you stand for what you believe in? Think about it… Its easier to ‘stand for’ the ‘normal’ stuff, the conformist stuff, the stuff people would expect you to defend, but what about the tough stuff, the stuff you know will cause ‘a raised eyebrow, or more’, that ‘stuff’ that deep down you believe in but you ain’t sure about society at large’s ‘agreeing’ with you, are you brave enough to take a stand for that stuff, with as much voracity as the ‘easier’ stuff… think about it! Avoid the grey, the grey wants you to be predictable, to defend the norm, the accepted, at the expense of what you truly believe in at times… so make sure that when you take that stand, that its for what you believe in and not just what’s expected from you, by others!

I realise that one of our greatest shortcomings is or lack of patience, our ability to honestly & openly not only listen to others but to attentively ‘hear’ what is being said, to internalise it, to some degree (based on subject, intensity, interest, etc.) and then reply. Typically we just want a ‘gap’ so we can say what we want to say, cos the world ‘needs’ to hear what I have to say… The wisest and most revered men were better listners than talkers… So listen truthfully and have a little patience!

As I search for more meaning, more understanding, more insight and more of me, I realise I miss out on not always understanding and the awe it can bring, lesser insight and the excitement of taking a chance, and not seeking more of me but finding clues in talking to others. And in all these ‘misses’ there is more meaning than I could ever have thought…enjoy life by being true to you!

The reality is just that plain, people with a positive attitude, enjoy more successes than those with sh1tty attitudes… The trick is to have and maintain a positive attitude in spite of the myriad of challenges that exist, next to reflect and look at how we can reach be a little more positive then hey, I firmly believe it comes down to striving to be better, in what we we do and how we engage with those around us, be they friend’s, stranger or colleagues. Be friendly, helpful and honest… It’s a good start

So we strive valiantly (most of us) to be better people, to do more of the right thing and less of the ‘bad’, I believe that we, as people aspire to be better, to do more good, why then do we fail so dismally? Even though we consciously decide to ‘take a stand’ against injustice, dishonestly etc. it seems that the universe rebels, as if the substance of stuff retaliates. ‘Substance of stuff’ indeed, basically the way that temptation to do wrong is so much more enticing, why is the ‘doing good’ option so untempting, so ‘not sexy’? It’s as if the world wants us to function in the grey and it takes solace from the fact that we won’t do anything out of kilter but just function and ‘go with the flow’ even if the flow is wrong, it’s so much easier to follow it…  Maybe it has to do with that age-old notion that for evil to succeed good men just need to do nothing, the problem is that sometimes the ‘doing’ that they do is not good enough, too grey, not explicitly right, and maybe that’s mor

So you wonder how humanity is gonna survive the future, with all manner of calamity waiting around the bend… its easy actually, we’ll ignore things until the sh1t hits the fan (literally), and then we’ll try manage, fix and apportion blame, hopefully to someone and/or group that are insecure (typically those who have that ‘recycled hippy’ sense of guilt about what we are doing to ‘mother earth’) enough to actually contemplate the notion that they may indeed be to blame (a bit or a bunch, directly or indirectly). We, both as individuals and as the ‘collective’ have lost the ability to engage with and take responsibility for our actions, the options and opportunities to blame ‘others’ are just too tempting, the option to ‘externalise the cost(s)’ is just to enticing, and with so little consequence, its a win win deal, superficially anyhow, cos the sh1t did hit the fan, that wasn’t a rumour or a likelihood, its an unequivocal reality… No honour among thieves the saying goes, but whe

High or low, life goes on, ride the waves or dodge them , just make sure you are in the water…

So easy to lose perspective in life, of life, while trying to live life… and we then tend to focus more on the ‘stuff’ we ain’t got and the things that go wrong, or that don’t happen as we’d like or as we’d planned, and we get so obsessed with these ‘things’ we get bulldozered into this negative cycle, which essentially reinforces itself, at our expense. And then, once in a while (rarely, especially to this extent) we experience something, or someone that equates to a well deserved ‘smack in the face’, I got that last week, went and watched a movie (documentary) called, “Searching for Sugarman” the story of Rodriquez… its rare to be moved emotionally by something we ourselves don’t experience through doing, similarly, its even more of a rarity to be moved spiritually (not in a religious sense per se), BUT to have both of these together at the same time is truly epic! Go watch the movie, IT WILL move you, it will provide you with a much needed slap in the face, though its impact i

Is never with foresight, only in retrospect that we realise our fukcups… why is that? Like the only way to ‘grow’ is by making a mess from time to time, like without it we’ll be these one dimensional predictable automatons…so please, by all means fukcup damned be the consequences, at least you’ll grow…

Rage with passion not anger against all that seeks to drive you asunder!

Ever wondered why seemingly odd things happen that don’t or shouldn’t have relevance, and yet, somewhere down the line, once you’ve ‘digested’ whats happened you realise how ‘linked’ things were, but only in hindsight, rarely with foresight. And, whats even more bizarre is the fact that when you identify (have the lighbulb moment) the links, you wonder, how in the name of all that is wow in the world, you didn’t ‘see’ it, back then. The answer is simple actually, we’re better at connecting the dots than we are identifying them…

I think its a movie actually but I haven’t seen it, my reason for the statement (aka unseen movie…) is a lot more uncertain as I’m sure the movie with it’s directors and producers, and actors et al had a grand script of sorts that allowed them to meander through whatever plot, sub plot(s) and general context the movie has at its core with some ‘artiness’, ‘coming of age, epiphany like moments at crucial times etc etc. all coming together is the final 5 to 10 minutes, and then it all made sense in some (undefined) sorta way! Mine ain’t like that…life is like a reaction, things happen, we react, next thing happens, we do, we plan but that generally gets fukced by what the world has planned (strange how its generally in stark contradiction to our plans), we react, we survive, seldom really live, and then we hope like hell we’ve done enough (not quite sure what), said enough (what and to whom still remains a fuzzy notion to me) to allow us some sense of achievement ( a life well lived)

If I strive to be better than what I am, am I being disingenuous with myself or worse, with those I’m engaging with? And does being so actually foster/facilitate the potential to be more like who you want to be as opposed to who you are, and are you then still being faithful to ‘who you are’?

Breathing, as with love is best done naturally, when too much concentation is needed then neither are what they should be. Like machines that perform some functions akin to us, sometimes better than us, but they will never be us!

its been many years since I scribed a poem, so I’ll start small “If I am to myself what I want to be to you then myself and I are to you an interpretation of me for us both…”

I find more and more that life these days seems more and more intent on pushing one to be more predictable, less individual, more conformist, less creative, more GREY, and yes, creativity and innovation are there, its just as though the world and not ourselves are defining the parameters within which the creativity and innovation should occur, instead of us. Sure we come up with an idea, its ours, mine, yours, but the context within which we find ourselves, which impacts on our understanding, fathoming of any ‘creative’ ‘innovative’ idea, to some degree is already predefined… And so, we become more GREY, even as some of us struggle to stay individualistic, true to ourselves, it becomes almost impossible by virtue of our context, to some degree at least, so be aware that striving, fighting for your individualism needs to take account of the ‘context’ within which you live because much of it is not of your creating, so fight harder, against the world… to be yourself in it!!

“South Africa is the only country in the world where affirmative action is in the favour of the majority who has complete political control. The fact that the political majority requires affirmative action to protect them against a 9% minority group is testament to a complete failure on their part to build their own wealth making structures, such that their only solution is to take it from others.” London Times

I guess everyone goes through those up’s and down’s of life, the crests and the troughs so to speak, and things are far from dismal, and yet, at a professional level I feel rather “troughy’ at present. Maybe its the nature of the current position, being stuck in the middle, never really being able to just go ahead but first having to mediate (directly and/ or indirectly) amongst role players, which essentially alienates you (to some degree) from them cos you cannot be seen to be aligning directly with one, but must rather be seen to be ‘bringing the collective together’. So the reason from my ‘downer’ is more a case of having a sense of ‘grey’ about where things are, and I’m not a ‘grey’ person, I like black or white, I’d rather take a decision and find out its wrong (and take in the experience) than be ‘forced’, due to circumstance to not take a decision at all. Where everything gets ‘mushy’, and one feels (from a mental and somewhat emotional sense) like you are wading through tr

Yes, sometimes temptation is there but it works both ways, temptation is not necessarily a precursor to some predetermined negative impact, it’s what we do with our choices and how they manifest in our lives. Look in the mirror, look at yourself, and remember, integrity is the only virtue a person can grant him/herself…

So we strive valiantly (most of us) to be better people, to do more of the right thing and less of the ‘bad’, I believe that we, as people aspire to be better, to do more good, why then do we fail so dismally? Even though we consciously decide to ‘take a stand’ against injustice, dishonestly etc. it seems that the universe rebels, as if the substance of stuff retaliates. ‘Substance of stuff’ indeed, basically the way that temptation to do wrong is so much more enticing, why is the ‘doing good’ option so untempting, so ‘not sexy’? It’s as if the world wants us to function in the grey and it takes solace from the fact that we won’t do anything out of kilter but just function and ‘go with the flow’ even if the flow is wrong, it’s so much easier to follow it… Maybe it has to do with that age-old notion that for evil to succeed good men just need to do nothing, the problem is that sometimes the ‘doing’ that they do is not good enough, too grey, not explicitly right, and maybe that’s more o

Only the weak believe that what they do in battle is who they are as men!

Its laughable how hypocritical we can be, aspire and confess to all the virtues ‘good’ men of old used to measure themselves against, and yet, in this day and age with all its materialism and superficiality, its fake smiles and meaningless laughs, I would say it’s almost impossible to stay true to those virtues, Love, Integrity & Honour… almost that is, but all the bullshit aside, I think we ‘use’ the ‘bullshit’ as a convenient excuse, a means to giving in to the ‘darkside’. The trick is to realise and accept that we need to fight harder than the knights of old to stay true to those age-old virtues that can, if adhered to, or should I say if honestly committed to can make society and us as constituents better! Obviously we also need to realise that we are mere humans, not infallible, but if we can attempt in good conscience to stay ‘on course’ then our faltering can be forgiven at least, understood at most. After-all, when you stand in front of the mirror looking at yourself remem

Just as we continue to seek pleasure over and over, in a variety of forms, it seems that the same ‘over and overness’ happens when we make mistakes. How many times have you done something knowing to a certain degree (but hoping like hell otherwise) that what you are about to do won’t have the same result as the last 4 times, and it does… and yet we continue doing shit, its as if we need to convince ourselves that we can succeed at something we have failed at previously, but the hope of success is not based on a new or different approach just a new or different attitude, or a deeper sense of hope or bullsh1t, sometimes we just think “it has to work this time, surely I won’t fail again”, and then you do… I mean it could be related to small insignificant issues, but what about when it starts affecting us on a deeper more substantive level, where we start, ever so slowly to doubt ourselves and our ability to succeed, then it ain’t so cool, seriously!

We talk, we read we hear about global warming and the world going to hell because of us, the supposed custodians, and our insatiable desire for materialism, but you see the truth is much more integral,more complex than that, more entrenched, more sneaky and definitely more about who we have evolved into over the last 50 years or so. Long gone are the days of societal structure & functioning based on the greater good, the communal core, and maintaining it, where we find meaning from being needed and helping those around us and knowing that should that need exist from your side, that it will be met by those around you, not necessarily friends or family but community members that occupy the spaces (geographical) around you, and yes I’m not saying that wouldn’t happen today, I’m talking about the ‘how’ it would happen today (if indeed it did happen) would be vastly different. Central to that difference would be the reason(s) and implications for helping someone which would probably

So we strive to grasp the basics of being an island in a sea of consequence, the little bits of reality that do intrude are rapidly obliterated by conscious thought. And all that remains are vestiges of what we dreamt and hoped for. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we may have lost that we miss the myriad of opportunities that come sneaking in, bit by bit… Similarly the pressure that we face in trying to save the little integrity we have left, vested interests in being the highly incompetent custodians of this planet increasingly seem to prove humanity’s inadequacies! And the reality that we’ll more than likely fail seems more and more like the only option, scary though!

wonder how we are to save the earth when our whole societal construct by its very nature eschews all that is needed to initiate ‘the saving’… we are such deluded fools, such automatons of absolute betrayal, of ourselves by ourselves! bested only by our insipid notions of ‘whose’ fault it is, actually!